Loss and sadness

As I sit here, I am trying my best to find the words that express loss and sadness. My Nana, Helen Louise Shelnut, departed this world to join God in heaven at 2:20am 11/11/1935-9/24/2011. My mom called to tell me that she was gone. I have been trying to prepare myself mentally for this without much success. A week isn't enough time for me to prepare myself. When my Granny Chestnut passed a few years back I had months to prepare, but months or weeks still doesn't take the pain away. I feel like there is a great big hole in my heart. There is a big chunk of my life that is now empty.

I am trying to be strong for my boys, because they just don't understand why mommy is crying and so sad. I tried to explain that Nana has gone to be with God in heaven and she can walk now. My Nana has been wheel-chair bound for a very long time. The great-grandchildren loved riding around in her chair with her. She only had 20! They all thought it was just so much fun to drive Nana's chair. She loved us all equally, all 5 children and spouses, all 13 grandchildren and spouses, and all 20 great-grandchildren. As you can imagine we have a very large family reunion. That doesn't even include all the cousins on my Nana's side that would come.

How do you explain to someone your pain? How do you explain your empty feeling? You can't to another person. Everyone is different and deals with loss and sadness in their own way. You think I explained to my 5yr old ok? I think I tried my best without scaring him and trying to make him understand that Nana is at peace now.

A lot of my sadness comes from that I can't get out there. I couldn't go and say good-bye to her before she was gone. My family knows that if I could I would be there. My sisters tried their very best to get me out there, but were unsuccessful in their en devour. I will be forever grateful for their efforts.

To all my family and friends thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers for our family in our hour of need. and on that very sad note

that is all...