Nana

My Nana hasn't been great this past week. I haven't been writing about it because I have been so upset. As I am writing now tears are streaming down my face. I'll start with the weekend before last (all information I have received through family, this is all taking place in Atlanta):

My Grandfather called my Uncle and told him to come and take her to the hospital because she wasn't keeping anything down and just wasn't doing well. He called the ambulance to come and get her to take her in. Come to find out she had a C-def infection that was VERY contagious. She seemed to be getting better throughout the week. Come Friday she started to go into renal failure and organ failure. They did emergency surgery to remove part of her toxic colon. She was on the vent through Monday morning. She seemed to be improving over the weekend. She has had her ups and downs all week long. Yesterday her left lower lobe of her lung collapsed and we almost lost her. They were able to insert a tube to help re-inflate her lung. She was able to rest last night being stable. Today I called my mother on my way to school because I wanted to know how she was doing overnight. She has now become unresponsive and been placed back on the vent. I am unsure if they are going to be able to remover her stomach stimulater tomorrow in surgery like they had planned to do. They have also have been unable to place in a feeding tube because it is too close to her wound where they did surgery. They were able to get some nourishment through her tube in her nose.

I have had a gut wrenching feeling for days that I can not seem to shake off. I don't want her to be in pain or suffering, at the same time I don't want to lose her. I have many fond memories of my Nana growing up. Every summer I would go to her house and spend time with them. One summer was with my cousin Erica, I remember going and picking fresh peaches from trees of some friends. I remember when my second-cousin Brooklyn was staying with them and I will forever HATE Barney because she made us watch it and listen to it ALL the time! I remember family Christmas's when we would all be there and practically sleeping on top of each other because there were so many of us! I have 4 sets of uncles/aunts, 11 first cousins, and 18 second cousins. My mother is the oldest of 5, Donna, Danny, David, Renee, and Darrell. There are so many good times to remember and never forget. I am not trying to be morbid, I am just trying to find a way to deal with her condition.

I just wish I could be there with her and tell her I love her so much. I have this sense of helplessness because I am so far away. I may call tomorrow and see if they can hold the phone to her ear and let me tell her even if she can't respond to me. It may give us both some peace.

with that I will call it a night and say...

that is all...