What is it?

With moms and their birth stories? We all seem to have this diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to telling our birth stories!

When ever we get together we just have to retell every last detail we can regurgitate out of our mouths. Every pain, very last bloody detail. Like we are trying to out do each other that our labor was "so much worse" than yours. You had it easy! Ok I am just as guilty of this horrendous offence. I apologize if I have done this to you in the past and you had NO desire what so ever in the whole world to hear one damn word. So to honor this gross tradition I will replay my birth story for you of my eldest son :)

Noah Joyce 9lbs 8oz 10:45pm 10/2005

Since I was 5 days over due and had about 5 trips to the hospital for "false" labor. My Dr decided to induce my labor at my 40wk appointment. I went in about 5am for induction. Since my now ex-step mother was there she insisted that everyone (mom, inlaws, hubby, and her) all get up at the ass-crack of dawn and go with me and hubby. They started me on my drip and for awhile it was a cake walk.

Then about 1pm -ish my Dr broke my water (which by the way if you have a inverted uterus it is quite painful) I had only been poked by about 5 different nurses because only 1 of the 5 could reach and even see if was dilating. That's when the REAL labor started. OMG I had never felt anything like it before in my life! I commend the ladies that do it drug free, but that AIN'T for me! The nice nurse gave me something groovy to take the edge off till I could get the epidural. Boy did it ever work, so good that it knocked my ass out for like 3 hours!

I woke up in tears wanting my drugs! I was so dizzy that I couldn't open my eyes, because I knew if I did I would vomit on anyone close. My mother and ex-step mother(ESM) tried to help me work through the pain, but after about 10 mins of my ESM saying "visualize the dolphins in the ocean" I wanted to punch her lights out. I waved her off to shut up and thank goodness the REALLY nice nurse with the drugs came in soon after.

This part was kinda hazy to me so I was told what happened. My ESM was in the way of the nurses and was picked up and moved out of the way in order to do my epidural. I remember swinging my legs over the side of the bed and then back after a few mins. Then the pain was gone and out I went again!

Then about 5ish my mother in law had a chat that we both thought it was going to end in a c-section. It was a short conversation because I passed out again! lol

So when I woke up again I wasn't sure of the time but it was around shift change and it was dark outside. That's when my little man in my belly started to have late decells and they called the Dr and it was time to end my suffering and I was SOOO ready to have him out!

So I was prep'ed and carted to the operating room. They actually started the c-section before Mike even came in the room. He sat down next to my head and I was of course strapped to the table like a mental patient. When they went to pull him out, they say "OK you are going to feel some pressure."

PRESSURE MY ASS! My little 5ft nothing Dr was laying on my stomach and the other BIG HUGE linebacker Dr that was assisting, had one leg on the table and was trying to pull him out. He was stuck in my pelvis! OW OW OW OW OW, Mike was like it doesn't hurt it's just pressure. BULL CRAP it HURT! I am a little person, he was a MONSTER child!

They pulled him out and cleaned him up a bit before they brought him to me to see, while the Dr's put me back together. I was in love, my sweet little boy was finally here for me to see and touch. Oh wait my hands were strapped to the table so did I get to hold my baby first you ask? UM NO! Mike got to hold him for a bit and then they took him to the nursery. Then I "think" Mike left because I "surprise face' passed out again. When I woke up again, I was still in the Operating room. They saw I was awake and my Dr peeked over the blue cloth and said she was so sorry for not believing me when I told her my family history of having BIG MONSTER children in both families. Then they told me how much he weighted because ya know I was asleep when that happened. I quote "holy shit!"

When the next time I awoke I was in the recovery room. Everyone was standing around me, my sister in laws, brother in laws, friends were there to greet me and our new family member. Who was brought in a little while later after his first "bath."

I spent 3 days in the hospital. The day after I had him I swelled up like a balloon! I had no ankles! Just legs and feet. I was grateful to the nursing staff that helped me to and from the bathroom. I had to swallow my pride once and get the nurse to help me get out of the shower and dry off.

One thing everyone forgets to mention is the hormone crazy party fest in your body. One minute you are burning hot and the next you are freezing. It happens that fast.

I couldn't lay flat or stand straight up for like a month because I hurt so bad!

But ya know all that didn't make me not want to do it again. Because I knew I was the exception to the rule on that kind of birth. And all that pain and everything was 1000% worth it. Any mother will tell you the same damn thing. Everyday that my now 6yr old tells me that I am the best mommy ever makes it all worth it.


Everything I do to go to school and work, is all for my boys. I would go to the moon and back for them. and with that said

that is all... (sorta) :)